Recently, I came to a realization. It was creeping in, slowly but surely and one day it hit my brain: I don’t like going out anymore because I am single! Usually people like going out when being single.. to mingle. The thing is, I enjoy being single and there is no wish to change this. However, it seems like I have hit an age at which it is simply not acceptable (at least for others) that I am single. No matter where I go, be it just casually going out meeting friends and consequently other people through them, be it a work function or, and that’s the saddest part of my realization, be it just going home to Germany to see my family. Continue reading “The Single Woman”
I’m not sure about you, but I get to know more and more couples practising the long-distance kind of relationship. This made me think and the result of my week-long thinking process was quite surprising to myself: I actually think it is possible! Maybe it is not that surprising after all, since I am on the move all the time. Nevertheless, I’ll even go further and say that it might be the better way of executing a relationship… well at least for me and the way I am thinking at the moment (but as we all know life is work in progress and attitudes can change). Coming out of a relationship in which we have been too close (distance wise not necessarily emotionally) this might be quite a refreshing alternative to try. And here is why I think it might actually work:
Why it might work 1: a small world
In a world of the world wide web, emails, Skype, tablets, iPhones and what not it is reasonable easy to maintain a long distance relationship. Everyone knows the fun that comes along at the beginning of reach relationship when couples still send cute messages to each other, telling each other “I miss you” in a message or at the end of a call (because they haven’t seen each for more than 5 hours). So why not prolonging this phase for a little longer? Technology can make us feel only a few miles away while in reality it is hundreds or even thousands. Someone told me recently that she hasn’t been to her new boyfriend’s house yet as he lives a few hours away and he usually visits her, so they were skyping and he gave her a virtual tour though his house. Once you are tired of being able to talk but not able to touch, you quickly book your next flight and off you go. Even that has become so easy and relatively inexpensive.
Why it might work 2: excitement
Despite the saying that a couple spending time apart is a couple in trouble, I think it can very well work out the opposite way. Nothing probably kills romance more than living on top of each other most of the time (oh yes.. experience is speaking). On top comes the excitement of the travelling. Each visit feels like a weekend away, you make it special! Oh and this reminds me of another advantage: you can let your hair grow in the time between and have it waxed just before you go! Great!
Why it might work 3: Independence
Especially when both parties are pursuing a career, a long distance relationship might have its advantages.. no one at home who is nagging about office hours, even if you spend half the night there you won’t be accused of infidelity. No obligations in terms of household duties, like filling the fridge or cooking.. sounds relatively manageble to me.
Last but not least:
A long distance relationship is surely nothing that you want to keep up forever but I don’t see a problem in starting the relationship off like that. Of course, I won’t deny that there are also lots of cons but if both parties are committed then this definitely works out. Obviously it depends on the distance and surely not being spread over two continents with a possibly time difference makes it easier, too. Although even this might work. A prime example is my old flatmate from Germany who moved to India for her job and the love of her life is spending most of his time in the States (West coast to make it even worse; read: farther away). Perhaps, it is a new wave of attitude spreading through my generation: not necessarily seeing a relationship as a total symbiosis but whatever works best – even if it means jetsetting between two countries!
Imagine you are in your thirties, you don’t have a husband, no fiancé and not even a boyfriend. You’re life is pretty much focused on your career. You’re working long hours and you definitely don’t have the energy to go on a jol on weekdays. Friday nights are out too, because you are too exhausted from the week. That leaves you with Saturdays to be a socialista. And even then, you prefer your lunches, sundowners, braais rather than going out partying till the sun comes up . If you can imagine this then you’ve got a pretty accurate picture of me! Short: My energy level has dropped significantly since I have joined the corporate world.
Not that I’m looking for a boyfriend, fiancé or husband right now, but the thought has crossed my mind that someday I might want one. It also happened that recently, I became helplessly romantic and the thought of the love of my life proposing and wanting to spend the rest of his life with me is just the ultimate dream scenario I can image. So, I asked myself: Where will this future husband and father of my kids come from? Have I met him already or is it someone I am going to meet someday? Let’s discuss the second possibility here.. If I haven’t met him as yet, then the question comes up: where will I meet him?
Online dating is out of question for me personally. It’s just not appealing to me. Since I’m not going out a lot, that leaves me with two options and funny enough both options are related to my work.
Option 1: in the air! I fly a lot. Mostly on duty. The pleasure of travelling for duty purposes is that it is (space permitted) in business class. So you’d think that you’ll have this good-looking executive sitting next you. Every time I come to my seat I am excited to see who is sitting next me.
Hope: my age, good-looking, successful, no ring on his finger, sipping on his juice or cool drink and interested in me!
Reality check: 25 years older than me, huge belly, pseudo successful, ring on his finger, downing alcoholic drinks like water, interested in me!
NO THANK YOU!!!
Option 2: the workplace itself! Offices, conferences, meetings etc. People spend so much time at their workplace that it is most likely that they meet someone working for the same company if they are still single, in their thirties and busy focusing on their career. Does this work out? For one of my best friends it does. Believe it or not, they have worked in the same office for 7 (!!!) years and then they fell in love. Still very happy today and such a sexy couple.
Would that be something for me? Considering that maybe 80% (ok, I might be slightly exaggerating now but it is very close) of my male colleagues are gay, I have lost out already! The other 20% are a mixture of married men, men I don’t find attractive or … guess what.. yep, pilots!! Who I have labelled as players already – so, also no marriage material, plus my intuitive heartbreak-alert is on red!
NO THANK YOU!!!
By the way:
- I wrote this post onboard JNB-FRA – the seat next to me was…empty!
- I’m posting this post on a Saturday night – I’m a couch potato this evening, simply because I’m too exhausted from spending last night on an aeroplane seat!
Seems to me like a vicious circle! Is my job actually preventing me from getting married?????